Over the years, I have become increasingly aware of what drains my energy and what fuels it. More importantly, I have learned to see and acknowledge that this often comes down to the smallest things. A sharp or dismissive remark in a meeting used to completely drain me, without me even realizing why. But there I was, sitting there fairly exhausted and tired.

Until someone gave me an excellent piece of advice on how to counter this.

Let me illustrate this with a personal story. A long time ago, I sat on an advisory committee alongside several prominent and well-known figures. Being in that room was quite intense and exciting. Because of that, I felt I could only contribute if I was absolutely certain my point was flawless.

We were sitting around the meeting table in the office of one of the members. At a certain point, a thought crossed my mind that felt solid enough to share. I explained my perspective and tied a proposal to it.

Our host, who was a local alderman at the time, cut in and said: “You’ve lost me there.”

Not: “I’m having a bit of trouble following you,” but rather: she was completely lost in what I was saying.

Either way, my immediate reflex was to start all over again and explain myself. But then I remembered the advice. I looked at her and asked: “Up to what point could you follow me?”

It felt right instantly. I didn’t feel my energy drain. By asking this, I prevented myself from over-explaining and avoided the risk of her saying she still didn’t get it afterwards. If that had happened, you can bet I would have needed hours to recover.

This question, asking up to what point someone did understand you, is crucial. Why? Because you put the responsibility right back on the person who claims they can’t follow you. They have to explain exactly where they lost track. Only then do you pick up the thread from that specific point.

No more wasting precious energy hoping they will understand you next time. And no more handing over your power to someone who gets to decide whether your story makes sense or not.

Don’t back down just because a counter-question like this might make you feel like a bit of a bitch. It’s not about being unkind. It’s simply about ensuring you don’t roll out of a presentation or a meeting completely depleted.

And just for the record: my proposal was accepted and implemented. It turned into a massive success that even made the headlines.