“You need to step out of your comfort zone. You play it too safe. Test your limits!” Comments like that from your boss. Ever heard them? You immediately wonder: do I want this? Does this make me curious about what else I’m capable of? But because your manager is saying it, there’s pressure. You feel like you have to do it. And somewhere, the question lingers: what happens if I don’t?

And then there’s that “comfort zone.” Which zone is he or she actually referring to? What’s the real message? The intention might be perfectly reasonable, but what your manager is really saying is: you need to perform better; you need to show something different. And what does the employee hear? A judgment. I’m not good enough. I have to do something that makes me feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or that I don’t want to do. And if I don’t, there will be trouble.

There are people who can handle this easily (at first), but often the effect is (secret) resistance, paralysis, or indignation. Or an unfortunate mix of all three. The manager often doesn’t realize that with these words, they aren’t having the real conversation. And that this encouragement rarely motivates the way it’s intended to.

Suppose the manager were to say something different—for example, that he’d like to discuss with you where you could further develop your skills. That he has some ideas about this and thinks you have a lot to gain from it. That he understands it can be nerve-wracking because it’s uncharted territory, and that he wants to help you through it. How does that feel? You probably feel a sense of openness rather than pressure. An invitation rather than judgment. That’s what motivates you to take action.

True development doesn’t start with a forced push out of your “comfort zone,” but with safety, curiosity, and an honest conversation about what there is to discover. Together, where you feel that thought is being given to—and shared in—how you can function even better, that your boss genuinely wants that for you. That’s how you develop motivated team members and a team where people thrive and are eager to do their best.